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Thursday, February 24, 2005

In Deep ****

True story: I was at school (my secret identity is a mild-mannered college professor) and had to go see a man about a toilet. So I get in there and walk into my favorite stall. (There are only two, and the other one is a handicapped one with the seat that makes your legs dangle.)

Much to my horror, the moment I got in I realized that the prior occupant had left me a large present. I marveled at the monstrosity for a few moments, and then was about to head for the adjacent stall (with the Olympic high-dive seat) when--gasp--I heard the bathroom door open.

Consider my dilemma: If I walked out, that student may have also noticed the present, and then told everyone that Dr. Murphy leaves gifts in the student men's room. So I couldn't leave the stall.

I tried flushing away the present, and realized why the donor had left it for all to see: It didn't want to visit the sewer! Now I was really in trouble. Even if I waited for the student to leave, he might have been suspicious at the guy standing in the stall (with the door closed) and flushing, and then staying in there for 3 minutes or whatever. And then he could have come back to investigate after I left. So I clearly couldn't leave.

Fortunately, after several attempts the agitation and solvency of the water allowed for the gradual elimination of the present. I was able to see the man as originally intended, and hopefully no rumors were started on that fateful afternoon.

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