I went to visit my friend Tommy at Cody's up on Court St. I told him I'd be running a tab, because I planned to skip out on the bill when I was done.
He said, "You know how fast I can run, don't you?" (He did track in college, so I'd guess pretty fast.)
I replied, "I'm just going to wait for you to go to the bathroom."
Tommy pointed to the black guy next to me at the bar: "My friend Jeff here will watch you while I'm gone."
The black guy looked at me and said, "Yeah, and I can run faster than you with a widescreen plasma TV and a stereo on my back."