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Friday, November 04, 2011

The Dumbest Movie I've Seen This Year

Has to be Die Another Day. (I couldn't sleep, and it was the last video in the house that I hadn't watched.) First of all, what was with all of the completely juvenile "witty" word play? Look, I love a pun and a good dirty joke as much as anyone, but the jokes they kept making about Bond's dingle-donger were the sort you make when you first figure out what sex is at ten or eleven. How could these actors resist gagging when they said those lines?

But even more ridiculous is the "world destroying" top secret weapon from which Bond must save civilization. Icarus was a big flamethrower! I mean, this thing took fifteen minutes to partially destroy a friggin' ice hotel. So, if it were the case that New York City were made entirely of ice buildings, and if the United States let North Korea focus Icarus on the city without trying to do anything about it, then, in maybe a couple of months, Icarus could level most of the city. Meanwhile, in about the fifteen minutes it took Icarus to partially destroy an ice hotel, the United States could turn North Korea into an uninhabitable wasteland. So this threatening bad guy was an imbecile. It would be like me thinking, "Hmm, I have a kitchen knife: I bet now I can take on a full SWAT team in battle gear carrying automatic weapons!"

Sure, Bond movies always had a ton of unlikely stunts and so forth. But they didn't used to be this dumb, did they?

3 comments:

  1. They were always silly.

    What else can you call a man who is forced to swallow a pill, and then bloats up into a giant balloon that explodes?

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  2. Yeah, I know, always silly, but now it's become idiotic.

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  3. The most recent two, Casino Royale, and Quantum of Solace, are much more aesthetically restrained than any previous entries (no gadgets, less absurd villains & plots. You should watch them, if you haven't.

    Also. Casino Royale('67) was made as a comedy. It is unwatchably bad, in my opinion (2 attempts).

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