I'm reading a gardening magazine right now, and I had to laugh out loud at the following letter to the editor:
"Why do the needles on my pine tree drop every year? It makes such a mess."
If I were the editor, I would've responded, "Sir, just get up there in the tree with some crazy glue and fix each needle to the branch grows on. Problem solved!"
I guess that's why they'll never let me edit a gardening magazine.